This one is from my mom:
Dad
If asked how I feel with Doug at 2 years gone, I would tell you I miss him so much. I miss talking to him, I miss hearing him say I love you, good night, and yes, I miss the pestering. And then the question, are you mad yet? I know some people worry about me because I talk about Doug as if he was still here. I remember what my oldest granddaughter, Cheyenne, said to me one night shortly after we lost Doug. I thought she was sleeping and I was struggling to go to sleep when all of a sudden I felt a little hand reach up and touch my face. Then in her sleepy little voice she said, "Honey we miss Paw Paw and we are sad but even though he is not here with us he will always be with us in our hearts and we will carry him with us every where we go, won’t we?" I answered "yes, we will."
If you knew Doug, you know how much he loved kids, how much he loved to pester and keep them rowdy and squealing. There was one thing that Doug liked to do that made kids really squeal. I was spending the night with Misty and Michael in Birmingham and I always sleep with Jules when I spend the night. One morning Jules woke me and she was doing the same thing that Doug always did to pester kids to make them squeal. My first thought was Doug is still here with me and he is reminding me that he lives on through our kids and grandkids. Now every time I am with my kids and my grandkids I look at them and see a little something of Doug looking back at me and it makes me happy.
I traveled some for my job and occasionally Doug would ride to Oklahoma with me and I remember the first time I had to go back to OK after we lost Doug. I cried the entire way there and almost the entire way home. It did get easier but one time I was in OK and was feeling sad and lonesome so I called to talk with our oldest grandchild, Jay, and when we were saying goodnight all of a sudden Jay said "Paw Paw said goodnight." This caught me by surprise, I said "what?", and he said "Paw Paw said goodnight." Then I remembered he was in bed and covered with a quilt that I had made for him with his Paw Paw's clothes. It made me feel good to know that he felt he had a little piece of Paw Paw with him and had shared with me.
Doug told me when he went in to have surgery, "If something happens and I don’t make it thru this, don’t worry. If there is a way I will make sure some of my spirit gets to Shook." Shook is our youngest grandchild, Doug did get to see a picture of him, and he said his name. This little man has a lot of spirit and he is a tough little man so I am sure he has a little bit of his Paw Paw's spirit.
I miss Doug, I miss our life together and I miss that we are no longer able to share all that God blessed us with together. Each day I walk on faith, I trust in love, and I keep putting one foot in front of the other just as Doug wanted me to do. Someday with the help and grace of God our family will be together again and there will be no pain and sorrow. Until that day I carry Doug with me everyday in my heart, I will continue to talk about him, and sometimes I talk to him. I am so glad that God brought us together early in life and allowed us to be blessed. My only request would have been for more time together.
